Tripolar Is Not A Word
by Lady Of The Semicolons
Summary: One of these days, Zant is going to drive himself insane. Well, that's what you get for having multiple personalities. Very, very random.


Don't own Legend of Zelda

Zant, the King of the Twilight, smirked to himself. Hyrule Castle had been much easier to overtake than he had anticipated. It had been borderline pathetic, actually… But then again, that's what you get for leaving a worthless girl in charge of things. He thought about that last sentence, and laughed. _Yes, that is what you get… first in the Twilight Realm, and now in the light realm. _Then, for no apparent reason at all, Zant twisted his neck until it cracked.

_What the heck do you think you're doing? _he demanded in his head.

**I'm sorry, all right? There was a twinge in there, and it was bugging me! **replied his other mind.

_I felt no twinge._

**You didn't? Are you feeling-deaf?**

_What the heck does feeling-deaf mean?_

**Well, duh, it means you can't feel anything.**

_You mean like paralyzed?_

A sigh. **There you go again, making up crazy words that don't make sense. Just never mind.**

_Just be quiet and go away. I've got more important things to do._

**We've successfully brought twilight to the light realm and overthrown the princess! What else is there to do! I'm bored. You promised I'd get a chance to do whatever I wanted after we overthrew Zelda!**

_I told I'd let you do whatever after we overthrow Zelda, destroy the so-called chosen one who's been eliminating the Twilight, and find Midna._

**Wait, I thought Midna wasn't a threat anymore.**

_It's not that she's a threat! I mean, WE are the rightful ruler of the twilight—_

**YAY!!!**

_Don't interrupt! As I was saying, Midna isn't a threat, but she still has power that would be useful for us to employ._

**Oh, okay. **

_Although rumor says she's found the blue-eyed beast… such a meddling little imp, but it will do her no good. _His lip curled.

**I still say we should have turned Midna into chicken.**

_And I still say that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard on the face of the earth._

**You just never know an awesome idea when you see one.**

_Alright, for hypothetical purposes, let's say we did turn Midna into a chicken… What would we have done after that?_

**Make her dance. Duh!**

…_And just what purpose would that serve?_

**Are you kidding? It's a dancing chicken! How much more awesome can you get than a dancing chicken?**

_I stand corrected: THAT__is the dumbest thing I have ever heard._

**Picori Parcheesi!**

_What?_

**Picori Parcheesi. Duh!**

_What the hell is a Picori Parcheesi?_

**Well, Picori is a legendary race of elves, and Parcheesi is a type of cheese!**

_I hate you._

**Well, if you think about it, I'm you, and you're me, and I'm me, and you're you, and we're both Zant! So therefore, if you hate me, you hate Zant, which would mean you hate you, and cheese.**

_What the heck does cheese have to do with anything?_

**Well, if you were paying attention, you'd know we were discussing Picori Parcheesi…**

_But Parcheesi is a… Mighty Ganondorf, never mind._

**You know what? I feel like spinning around…**

_Absolutely not._

**Come on, pleeeaase?**

_Maybe when we get back to the Twilight Palace._

**Oh, fine. You're no fun at all.**

Zant sighed in exasperation. Then he shouted, "KUMQUAT!"

_HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO DO THAT?_

**Five thousand and sixty-three. But I like saying kumquat. It's an awesome word.**

_If you continue to randomly yell, "kumquat!" everywhere, people are going to think we're insane! So stop doing it!_

**Can I do my chicken impression?**

_Chicken impression? Is that what it's supposed to be?_

**What else would it be?**

_Quite frankly, I don't know. But it intimidates people, so only do it when we're threatening someone._

**Onomatopoeia! **

…_Sometimes I wish you would just jump off of a cliff and leave my sanity and me alone. But then I remember that that would just kill us both._

**Well, it's not my fault we're tripolar.**

_Tripolar is not a word._

**Sure it is!**

_No, it's not. The "tri" implies three. There's just two of us, thank the gods. You're thinking of bipolar, which still wouldn't be the right term._

**No, I'm pretty sure I mean tripolar.**

_JUST SHUT UP!_

Just then, a messenger entered the room. "Yes?" the King demanded.

"The light-dweller you have been searching for has been seen at Lanayru Spring," came the toneless reply.

"Well done. I shall see to him immediately. You may go." The creature of twilight turned to leave. "Wait!" Zant commanded. "While I am gone, search the castle for cheese."

The creature stood there for a moment, bemused, before promptly scurrying away.

_WHAT THE HELL IS WITH YOUR OBSESSION WITH CHEESE?_

**Do I really need to explain it again?**

_You never did explain it!_

**Switzerland!**

_Just. Shut. Up. _


End file.
